Excuse me, do you kiss strangers? Non? Then let me introduce myself.

Sartre said that “hell is other people,” but how could I possibly agree, now that I’ve met you? I’m sweet, tangy, and rich in vitamin C. Share me with your philosopher friends for a complexion-brightening, cold-fighting, night vision-enhancing spark of joie de vivre! They’ll be shedding their turtlenecks in no time.